Armed with testosterone, egged on by their throbbing wieners, guys create, and then explore fantasy worlds that would make Dr. Ruth swallow her dentures. Their sick minds know no limits, no shame, and no queasiness. Guys’ brains are virtual porno jukeboxes, stocked with thousands of XXX scenarios. No position is too wild for guys’ fantasy jukeboxes; no act, too crude; no victim, too good. As long as a girl has hooters and a coochie, guys’ minds will victimize her. Still, guys do have their favorite fantasy co-stars. Who are the most frequent stars of guys’ porno dreams?

Girls, if you’re a friend of theirs, guys do fantasize about you. In fact, their minds can’t get enough of you. As their friend, you’re one of their favorite fantasy co-stars. The size and shape of your jugs, the color of your nips, the firmness of your ass, the thickness of your bush, the texture of your coochie–your male buds fantasize about your body’s hot spots for hours. Having never seen you naked, they have no choice buy to mentally transform you into a porno Ms. Potato Head. On Monday, they’ll fantasize about you with beefy nipples, a shaved bush, and a cute, tiny ass. On Tuesday, they’ll envision you with itty-bitty nipples, a Mohawk bush, and a plump ass. And on Wednesday, they’ll fantasize about you with inverted nipples, a fat ass, and a bush wilder than the Amazon. The more guys fantasize about your hardware, the more eager they are to verify their visual assumptions. That means hitting on you. That means trying to shag you. But as you well know, their efforts aren’t always successful. What then?  More fantasies. They fantasize about how to shag you or about what kind of shag you’d be. They dream about whether you’d be a sweet swan in bed or a tenacious tiger. They fantasize about you sucking and swallowing, grinding and groaning. They dream about you until they’re tired of dreaming about you. And then they dream about you some more.

Guys fantasize about their friends so frequently because they constantly cock tease, whether they try to or not. You ladies flirt with your guy buddies. You tell them your deepest secrets. You laugh and cry with them. When with them, you prance around in anything from halter-tops to bikinis. You do everything with them, except ride them. With all that teasing and no satisfaction, they have no choice but to fantasize about you. Think of it this way. Your coochie is the final frontier for your male friends. Your sexuality is the one land they have yet to explore. They know the professional you. They know the casual you. They know the nurturing you. They know the grumpy you. But they’ll probably never know the “bent over” you. All they can do is explore that part of you in their dreams.

Also, Guys fantasize about their friends because, believe it or not, it’s more titillating than fantasizing about models or other “perfect” types. Angelina Jolie is a fantastic fantasy victim, as any guy will attest. But something’s missing. Since she’s a stranger, she’s one-dimensional. She’s just a body, granted, a great body, but a body nonetheless. But a friend…A friend’s not just a TV image or a poster on a wall. A friend is real-life meat. A guy’s familiarity with his gal pal adds heat to his fantasies about her. His fantasies seem more realistic, more erotic.

If you’re their co-worker, guys fantasize about you. Guys fantasize about co-workers because stuffy office clothing is way too much of a cock tease. Guys fantasize about co-workers because it allows them to be dominant in a way they never could be at the workplace. But most importantly, guys fantasize about co-workers because of the “P” word. Proximity. Proximity  is the factor that most determines whether you win a starring role in a male fantasy. The more often you’re around a guy, the more often he’ll fantasize about you. Repeat. The more often you’re around a guy, the more often he spreads those thighs of yours in his fantasies. You’re around your male co-workers 20-80 hours a week. Everyday they watch you prance around the office corridors. They watch you sip your morning cappuccino, file papers, complete paperwork, interact with customers, type memos, sign documents, attend meetings. In other words, they watch you do all the things they couldn’t care less about. Your male co-workers are simple creatures. They just want to see you strip and spread. Being that you so rarely oblige them, they make up for it by having co-worker fantasies. Usually, they imagine themselves screwing you in the workplace, since that’s where they know you from. They envision themselves pile-driving you on your desk, eating you out in the copy room, spanking you in the supervisor’s office, and being deep-throated by you in the elevator. See, your male co-workers really do appreciate you.

Sure guys fantasize about their friends’ girlfriends. It’s practically a requirement. In general, guys do their best to follow a code when it comes to dealing with their buddies’ girls. Out of respect for their bud, they treat his girl like a sister. No flirting, no touching, no kissing, and certainly no banging. But envisioning her in a thong with their puds in her mouth–now that’s fair game. Guys fantasize about their friends’ girls because they can’t have them. Guys fantasize about their friends’ girls because the code forces them to. Because of the code, they’ll never feel their bud’s girl’s  lips around their puds. They’ll never marvel at her gazongas bouncing up and down while she rides them. They’ll never videotape her while she plays with her mambo dildo. So guys fantasize about their friends’ girls because it’s the only way they can score a piece of their ass, even if it is only an imaginary piece.

If you’re their employer or supervisor, guys do fantasize about you. Boss fantasies are inevitable. Most guys would never admit it, but they feel at least a smidge of resentment when taking orders from a woman. Thousands of years of male rule have endowed guys with a sense of dominance that they have yet to fully abandon. When working for you, guys tend to rationalize your higher status by blaming your success on luck. Or you slept your way to the top. Yeah, that must be it. Or maybe you’re just an affirmative action poster kid.

But in between their rationalizations, your male subordinates can simply bring you down to their level by objectifying you, by fantasizing about you. Boss fantasies are great equalizers. Guys may not be able to dominate you at the office, but in their boss fantasies, they’re the bosses, overbearing bosses no less. In their boss fantasies, they’ll spank you till your ass turns purple. They’ll share you with their buddies, with their co-workers. They’ll tear you up anally. They’ll command you to blow them in public. In short, you may be their leader at work, but in their boss fantasies, you’re their bitch.

Guys fantasize about their mothers-in-law. Don’t whig out now. Guys don’t fantasize about their mothers-in-law because of their smoking sexuality, because they actually want them. Look at mothers-in-law. They’re not exactly spring chickens. They’re a bit on the hefty side. They nag too much. They’ve got men’s haircuts. No, mothers-in-law aren’t usually on dudes’ “to do” lists. Guys fantasize about their mothers-in-law because they’re not supposed to. Mother-in-law fantasies are naughty. Mother-in-law fantasies are taboo. Guys aren’t supposed to fantasize about their mothers-in-law. They’re supposed to respect them, admire them; so to fantasize about their mothers-in-law on their knees is thrilling. It’s daring. It’s erotically twisted.

Mother-in-law fantasies are also titillating because of the sheer ambition of the act itself. Mothers-in-law are major conquests. Very few guys will ever bang their mother-in-law. It’s too difficult. Few moms would even consider betraying their daughters in such fashion. To bonk a mother-in-law is to trek into Don Juan territory. A man must bear incredible charm and animal magnetism to pull it off. It’s a royal ego boost, a spectacular conquest, it’s difficulty rivaled only by a threesome with a hottie and her sister, although most guys would prefer the sister-sister threesome for obvious reasons. Guys may never win the glory that results from either of these feats, but in their fantasies, anything’s possible. Mother-in-law fantasies are here to stay.

It makes no difference whether they’re hot or not. Guys do fantasize about their girlfriends’ friends. Don’t forget, proximity plays a crucial role in determining whom guys fantasize about. Usually, guys have fantasies about those whom they have contact with. Their girlfriends’ friends are often around, often enough to catch sight of them in their sluttiest party skirts, often enough to behold them in their most elegant evening gowns, often enough to view them in their skimpiest bikinis. With all that dressing up and dressing down, they’re being cock teases and they know it. Do guys fantasize about  their girlfriends’ friends? Of course. They have no choice.

Guys fantasize about models and actresses. They have to fantasize about models and actresses. They’re gorgeous. They’ve got awesome bodies methodically constructed by plastic surgeons and personal trainers. To fantasize about models and actresses is almost a requirement. And do you know what? It’s easy to fantasize about models and actresses because guys are already well acquainted with their flesh. Models and actresses love bearing it all. They’re practically nudists. Any nude celebrity site will attest to that. Guys aren’t oblivious to the abundance of celebrity skin pics. If the Web features so much as an actress’s nipple, every red-blooded American male has seen that nipple, jerked-off to that nipple and probably has that nipple saved to their C: Drive. Some pervs know Halle Barry’s boobs better than she does. All of this exposure invigorates fantasies. The more guys know about a woman, the more realistic their fantasies become. Knowing a model personally makes for intense fantasies; but the next best thing is to have a keen familiarity with her bits.

If you’re a girl in your teens, guys do fantasize about you. They mentally bang you because you may still be a virgin and guys love popping a girl’s cherry, both in reality and in their dreams. Popping a girl’s cherry provides a tremendous ego boost. Popping a girl’s cherry is kind of like being the first climber to scale a mountain peak. A girl only has one cherry and only one guy in the entire world can lay claim to popping her cherry. Think of a girl, any girl. Chances are, plenty of guys can boast of kissing her; many can boast of groping her; a few can boast of doing her. But only one man can be responsible for popping her cherry. That man has firmly engraved himself in her mind and he knows it. He knows that for the rest of her life, he will occasionally creep into her mind. If he was particularly studly, she may recall him weekly. Either way, he’s unforgettable. Many guys will never know this feeling, simply because many guys will never be in the position of popping a girl’s cherry. But in their minds, they can be responsible for popping a girl’s cherry.  In their minds, they can pop hundreds of cherries. Their friends’ daughters’ cherries–pop, pop. Their daughters’ friends’ cherries–pop, pop, pop. Their students’ cherries–pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop.

If you’re the blossoming daughter of one of their buddies, guys fantasize about you. Guys actually feel a little guilty when they fantasize about a friend’s daughter, but they still do it. Middle-aged guys in particular fantasize about a friend’s daughter. Every baby boomer has at least one buddy who has a daughter with a fuck-me body. What are baby boomers supposed to do? They’ve been chained for ten, fifteen, twenty years. They get some coochie once a month from their nagging, frigid wives. And into the picture walks their best buddy’s daughter wearing a halter-top and a mini skirt. Whose bazongas do you think they’re going to be thinking of later that night when they jerk-off in the shower? Who do you think they’ll be fantasizing about when they’re banging their wives the next morning? They surely won’t be fantasizing about their wives’ saggy bazongas and fat asses. They’re going to be fantasizing about “little Jenny,” with her round and tight, youthful badonkadonk and her perky bazongas. Can you blame these pervs? They have no other options. They can’t possibly hit on their friend’s daughter. Hey, guys do have some principles (actually many guys would do it if they knew they could get away with it). The only option they have is to allow little Jenny and her amazing bazongas to audition for their mental pornos. Is that so bad?

Guys also conjure up fantasies about a friend’s daughter and about teens in general because they relish in being the dominator, the teacher. Young girls are inexperienced and passive. Guys kidnap these naïve ones into their minds and introduce them to womanhood. They show them the pleasures of oral, the delights of bondage, the joys of anal, and the charm of dildos.

Of course guys fantasize about their teachers. Proximity, proximity, proximity. Guys are around their teachers anywhere from one to five days a week. That means their eyes are constantly feasting on them. Guys have to fantasize about their teachers. But the conservative clothing of teachers leaves much to their imaginations. After many frustrating weeks of putting up with their ankle-long skirts and polyester slacks, guys do their best to catch sight of any hint of sexuality: cute panty lines, not-so-cute bra strap lines, a glimpse of cleavage, a dash of thigh. A simple case of cold nipples poking through a blouse is enough to provoke a classroom stiffie fest. With male students this focused on the bodies of their teachers, is it that surprising how often their teachers star in their sick dreams? It’s unavoidable. They’ll never breach all those damn clothes teachers wear, so they have to fantasize about their teachers. They have to undress their teachers in their minds. Once undressed, guys figure it’s their obligation to screw their teachers silly. And so they do.

As with female bosses, a dominance factor also comes into play. Teachers are authority figures and guys prefer to be the ones in charge. Since sitting their teachers down and taking over their class is out of the question, guys aim to dominate their teachers in the only arena they can–in their minds. When guys fantasize about their teachers, their teachers can’t fail them. They can’t suspend or expel them. They can’t ridicule their split infinitives or sneer at their faulty geometric theorems. When guys fantasize about their teachers, they’re the ones that teach. They teach their teachers how to swallow and like it, how to suck their balls without causing pain, and how to initiate girl-on-girl action with the class hottie. See, guys do exercise their minds in the classroom.

If you belong to a different race, guys fantasize about you. Intermixing between races is more prevalent than ever, but far from commonplace. A majority of black guys have never 69’d a white or Asian babe. A majority of Asian guys have never doggy-styled a white or black honey. A majority of white guys have never had their peckers sucked dry by a black or Asian hottie. So it’s only natural that all of these guys fantasize about other races; after all, guys do love fantasies about the unknown.

Also, guys fantasize about other races because it allows guys to mentally explore all of those body stereotypes they’ve been hearing about for years. They fantasize about other races so they can lick every inch of a white girl’s long, athletic frame or fondle the Big Berthas of a black girl and then caress her curvaceous badonkadonk. They fantasize about other races so they can suck the cute, little perkies of an Asian gal and ravish her petite frame. Naturally, guys would prefer to personally verify the truth of these stereotypes, but fantasies are a fine alternative.

If you’re ugly, guys fantasize about you. Guys fantasize about ugly girls for the same reason they enjoy fantasizing about virgins. They figure the poor chicks are sexually inexperienced. Ugly girls do not land too many dates so they haven’t done much. Guys fantasize about ugly girls so they can introduce them to everything they’ve been missing. Guys play the role of teacher, of master, of dominator. Also, guys fantasize about ugly girls so they can play the role of Good Samaritan. They’re the kindly princes who make the ugly duckling feel like a graceful swan. They’re performing a charitable deed, a humanitarian service that leaves ugly girls ravished and satisfied…at least in guys’ minds.

Of course guys have redhead fantasies. Guys have to occasionally conjure up redhead fantasies because there are so few of them. They’re a rare breed. Most guys will go their whole lives without banging a bona fide redhead. Their tongues will never navigate their way through a strawberry pube patch. Their hands will never grope a pair of freckled tits. Many a dude hasn’t even seen a pair of freckled tits. Not even in porn.  GG cuppers are more prevalent in porn than freckled tits. But in their redhead fantasies, they can envision all the freckled tits they want. They can imagine licking strawberry pube patch after strawberry pube patch. Since they’ll never bang you redheads in real life, guys feel it is their obligation to bang you at least once or twice in their minds. Can you blame them?

If you’re their sister-in-law, guys do fantasize about you. Sister-in-law fantasies are splendid time-killers for guys. Guys fantasize about their sister-in-law because sex with a sister-in-law delivers the same glory that comes from banging one’s mother-in-law. If a guy can’t live the dream, why not dream it?  Also, guys fantasize about their sister-in-law because they maintain a perverse curiosity about her birthday suit and how it relates to the birthday suit of their wives. Since guys’ sisters-in-law share the same bloodline as their better halves, they’re likely to share a few or many anatomical similarities. But which ones?  Many a brother-in-law has tons of sick sister-in-law fantasies pondering this mystery. Many of his sister-in-law fantasies have him undressing his sister-in-law over and over again throughout the years, using his wife’s body as a template. If his wife has hefty, suckable nipples, he likes to think that his sister-in-law too owns the same pointys. If his wife has a small, tight coochie, he figures his sister-in-law’s coochie is equally compact. Such insights, accurate or not, are instant turn-ons. Guys always pop a woody when they mentally undress any girl, but they tend to get more of a bone when their imaginings contain shreds of truth.

But guys don’t just stop at undressing their prey in their sister-in-law fantasies. After they fantasize about their sister-in-law and her cracks and crevices, they must allow their minds to seal the deal. They must fantasize about their sister-in-law being banged silly by them. They know they’ll probably never bang their sister-in-law in real life, so in their sister-in-law fantasies, they bang spectacularly. They make their sister-in-law quiver in ecstasy. They make her cum until she cries. They change her life forever. And then they wake up.

If you’re a nurse, guys do fantasize about you. As a nurse, you’re caring. You’re nurturing. You’re sweet. You know what you are?  You’re downright motherly. You’re so motherly, it’s almost sickening. Guys fantasize about nurses so they can bang that mother right out of you. Guys fantasize about nurses so they can corrupt you, bring out the wild bitch in you, kinky you up, sit you down, make you say Ahhh and give you a healthy dose of wiener.

If you have industrial-size bazongas (DD and bigger), guys do fantasize about you. Guys fantasize about you girls with big breasts because, like redheads, you mammary mammoths are a rare breed. Most guys will never get a chance to watch a pair of super big breasts swing and sway as a girl straddles and rides their broncos. Most guys will never be able to experience a good ole’ fashioned tit-fuck with insanely big breasts. Poor guys. They’ll either have to check out monstrously big breasts in porn, drive to their nearest strip club; or they can take you big-breasted freaks into their mental palaces and show you what could’ve been.

If you’re an airline stewardess, guys fantasize you. Big surprise, right?  You’re an airline stewardess, damn it. You’re hot!  You always wear skirts. You’re always in shape. When’s the last time you saw a stewardess who was a chunky monkey?  Did Garvey already mention you’re hot?  After models and actresses, you and your fellow airline stewardesses have got to be the hottest babes around. Guys have to fantasize about airline stewardesses, especially during a flight. They have to do it. There are only so many movies and peanuts a guy can stomach. Sooner or later, guys have no choice but to fantasize about you airline stewardesses leading them into those cramped bathrooms, spreading those firm thighs of yours, and initiating them into the mile-high club.