Guys fantasize all the time. Whenever a thirty-second window of free time pops up, guys fantasize. Do guys fantasize in their work cubicles? Sure. In line at the DMV? You betcha. On the toilet? Why not. While driving? Of course. Yet there are moments when guys are more likely to rev up their mental pornos, moments that provide a little more comfort than a cubicle, a bit more privacy than the DMV.

The lights are off. You and your guy are in bed. You’re asleep. Your guy’s arms hold you tight against his body. His eyes gaze at you lovingly, while his mind overflows with thoughts of love. He reminisces about the first time he kissed you, how at that moment he knew that there could never be anybody else, how—okay, okay, enough bullshit. The truth is while you’re snoring away and your guy’s lying next to you, he’s probably fantasizing about a midget and fatty going at it with strap-ons. Sorry, but guys fantasize in bed before going to sleep.

You know when your man wakes you up in the wee hours of the morning, his boner tapping on your ass, hoping to pay a late night visit? Do you really think it’s your morning breath and grandma panties that got him in the mood? Of course not. He probably got revved up while fantasizing about those deep throat blow jobs his first girlfriend used to give him. What, are guys supposed to creep off to the bathroom whenever they want to mentally bang someone? Guys fantasize in bed because good fantasizing requires serenity, the type of serenity that accompanies bedtime. Guys fantasize in bed when they’re alone. Even if you’re lying beside them, they still fantasize in bed. Is it guys’ faults that you just happen to lie next to them during bedtime? If it makes you feel any better, they often bring you into the midget-fatty fantasy mix.

But guys don’t just fantasize in bed at night. They fantasize in bed in the morning too. Whether they’re alone or beside you, it makes no difference. Just look at the circumstances. It’s 6 a.m. Your guys are half-asleep. The poor asses have to trek to work in two hours, where they’ll slave for the man for another ten. They have two options. They can start off the day by just lying there and pondering their firms’ new training procedures. Or they can lie there and imagine what kinds of sounds their sisters-in-law make when they’re getting rammed from behind. It’s not a tough decision.

You know those moments during missionary banging when your guy’s gaze is not on you but rather on that area of the bed beside your head. His mind’s probably not blank during those moments. He might be thinking about how amazing it is to be one with his queen. Or, he just might be thinking about what’d it feel like to spurt a facial on your mommy. In fact, if you’re in any position that doesn’t involve kissing or gazing into each other’s eyes, your guy will fantasize during sex; there’s a good chance he will have a busload of sick perversions whisking around his demented mind. Everyone knows the deal: Guys do fantasize during sex.

Beware of doggy style. A guy finds it harder to fantasize during sex while in positions that encourage eye contact. Positions like missionary, forward wheelbarrow, and sitting make it a little harder to fantasize during sex. But doggy style is a different beast. When your guy’s drilling you from behind doggy style, eye contact is obviously limited. It’s not you face he’s staring at. It’s your ass. And it becomes very convenient to forget that it’s YOUR ass that he’s staring at. In seconds, that mind of his can transform your plump ass into the shapely ass of his best buddy’s sixteen-year-old daughter. Don’t get upset, ladies. We all know you fantasize during sex too.

Guys usually conjure up fantasies when they have nothing better to do. So it’s inevitable that they fantasize during class. Schools are wonderful establishments of self-development and growth. They’re also damn boring. Nerds listen in class. Red-blooded American guys fantasize during class. Geeks learn something at school. All the other guys are too busy checking out the teacher’s panty lines, or better yet, the cleavage of the blonde D-cupper in the second row. But of course they’re not just checking her out. They’re thinking about how to bang her, where to bang her, when to bang her, and which one of her friends to bring in. It’s a lot of work for guys to fantasize during class as much as they do, but no one said school was easy.