Talking dirty in bed is a bedroom must. It’s definitely a turn-on to use dirty talk during sex. Dirty talk during sex separates the women from the girls. Talking dirty in bed doesn’t need to take place too often. A little now and then goes a long way. But dirty talk during sex should happen and when it does happen it needs to be full uncaged. Half-assing it is not allowed. Dirty talk should be filthy and naughty and should never include words like “boobs” and “pee-pee.”

Most guys aren’t really into big labia that hang down like an overflow of hamburger meat. These guys do think big labia is a turn-off. Luckily for ladies with big labia, there are plenty of guys who are really into big, meaty labia. There are guys who figure more meat is better. For these guys, big labia isn’t a turn-off. The more meat there is, the more there is to suck.

Guys hate it when a a girl isn’t very active during sex. It’s good for a girl to caress a guy’s back and butt while he’s banging her. Caressing a guy’s ass during sex shows that she’s into it. Caressing a guy’s ass during sex says “I’m hot for you and you’re making me feel damn good.”

Although hormonal fluctuations, aging, and medications can be factors, an anus usually becomes discolored due to the food a person eats. As the years pass, the poop that comes out stains the anal area. The chance of staining dramatically increases if a person consumes lots of processed foods and sodas since they contain dyes.

Of course anal sex hurts. Haven’t you ever pushed out turd that was so big that it hurt your anus. Now imagine that turd going in and out over and over again. Some girls have looser brown eyes than others and some have higher pain thresholds. But chances are anal sex will hurt you. So suck it up, relax, use plenty of lube, and bend over.

Tricky question. When guys are still stuck in the condom stage with you ladies, a tight vagina is important because guys can’t feel a damn thing. But once they’re able to manipulate you into bareback banging, guys don’t want you to be too tight because then they end up spurting in 10 seconds and looking like jack asses. So long as your vagina isn’t as loose as a gang-banged porn star, you’re fine.

If it’s a big difference, it does bothers guys. Doesn’t it bother you if the guy you’re dating has a crooked pee-pee? Imperfections are always a bummer. One breast being bigger than the other is so common it’s expected; but if one breast is bigger than the other by a cup-size or more, you better believe most guys are going to be unhappy. But who cares. Learn how to give good head, swallow regularly, and you’ll be in good shape.

Who cares if they’re normal. They’re gross. Pluck your nipple hairs, Girls. Sporting nipple hairs is a sure way to shrink an erect pee-pee. And for pete’s sake, don’t just trim nipple hairs. Uproot the little buggers. Wax em, pluck em, nair em. Whatever it takes. Do it and do it often.

Guys thrust hard so that they can show that they’re the ones in control. Guys thrust hard in order to dominate the girls who they’re pounding. Guys thrust hard because it makes them feel like men.

Does Spanish Fly make girls horny? Sorry fellas, Spanish Fly doesn’t work at all. Unfortunately, there’s no magic potion that can make girls tear off their clothes and jump on your rod. You’ll just have to stick to lying and manipulating your way into bed.

Guys aren’t turned-off by varting. They’re too happy that they just got laid to worry about a queef or two. A lot of guys actually like to hear varting because they figure it takes manly, powerful thrusting to cause varting. However, if you’re varting actually smells bad, well, then that just might be a turn-off.

The average breast size in America is 36C. Not long ago it was 36B, but chicks are plumping up nowadays. Fatter chicks means fatter boobies. Unfortunately, as the average breast size increases, so will the average amount of cellulite and saddlebags on chicks. Guys just can’t catch a break.

Plenty of guys do like having their nipples sucked. But it’s not something they usually request because it seems a little girly. Go ahead and give it a go, Girls. In fact, forget about the nipples. Get your priorities straight and just try to swallow more often.

Guys don’t like porn. Guys love porn. It’s simple really. Guys are visual. Guys love to see boobies. Guys love to see ass. Guys love to see coochie. Guys love to see things go inside a coochie. Guys love porn because it has all of these magical images.

Not really. Guys like to pinch. Guys like to suck. You can’t pinch inverted nipples. You can’t suck inverted nipples. If you do have inverted nipples, don’t fret. You can always find a dude or two who have inverted nipple fetishes. Older men tend to be a little more forgiving too.

It depends on how big. Big as a raisin? Sure. Big as a marble? Uh, OK. Big as a gum drop? Yikes. Some guys like really big nipples. Some guys even like super, big nipples. But most guys find really big nipples a little freaky. Jumbo nipples remind guys of cow teets. Not cool.

Penises are like TVs. A small TV does the job but everyone wants a big screen. Of course girls prefer a big penis. A small penis whimpers, “Look at how oh so cute I am.” A big penis shouts, “Get ready for some deep screwing.” Guys, don’t go asking your girl if she would prefer a bigger penis on you. You’ll never get an honest answer. Girls always give the same answer: “You’re penis is the perfect size for me.”

Guys don’t like hairy vaginas. A hairy vagina smells like piss and ass. A hairy vagina looks like a clump of drain hair. A hairy vagina sheds when guys eat it out. Man created razors for a reason, ladies. In fact, forget about razors. Be good to your men and go and get your furburgers waxed.

Shave your butt hair, ladies. Wax the ass hair. Pluck the little buggers if you have to. A hairy ass has no redeemable qualities. Butt hair collects butt odor and dingleberries. Butt hair makes it harder for anus lovers to see the brown eye. Hairy asses belong on Ewoks, not on girls.

Guys like landing strips. Guys like mohawks. Bare pube patches are a little tricky. They’re bold and sexy and very inviting, but they’re also a bit too prepubescent. So guys don’t care too much for bare– Ha! Who is Garvey kidding. Guys love bare pubes just as much as mohawks and landing strips. The truth is anything but a hairy furburger is good to go.

Guys hate giving foot massages. They’re really not into the smelly corn and bunion thing. More importantly, feet are a mile away from all the parts that matter. Hooters matter. Coochie matters. Ass matters. A girl’s face even matters. If you’re gonna make your guy give you a foot massage, at least undress and spread your legs so he can have a nice view.

Most guys couldn’t care less about having their toes sucked. You’ll just give them blue balls if you head that far south. Don’t worry about sucking a guy’s toes. Just suck his peter. Sure there are some guys who like having their toes sucked, but they’re just pansies.

All the polls show that girls prefer a circumcised penis. An uncircumcised penis looks like a botched balloon animal. An uncircumcised penis looks like a Panamanian sea worm. Then again, a circumcised penis isn’t exactly pretty either. Basically, all wieners are ugly.

Guys don’t like getting massages. Well, they actually do like getting massages, but when it comes down to it, the only thing they want you to massage is their wieners. Forget about giving a guy a massage. Wipe that atrocity from your mind. Really want to give your man a gift? Arrange a threesome for his B-day. He’ll love you forever. If you must give a massage to your guy, at least make sure it has a happy ending.

Sure guys like foreplay…as long as that foreplay consists of their dongs being sucked and their balls licked. Most guys don’t like foreplay that isn’t penis centered. Just as important, make sure the foreplay is quick. Guys have important things to do like watch football and fantasize about their co-workers.