Much to guys’ dismay, you ladies don’t prance around naked all day so that guys can see whether you have trimmed bushes or pube forests. Cruelly, mercilessly, you actually spend a majority of your time fully clad. But nude or undressed, it makes no difference; guys’ eyes still gravitate toward the same two regions–tits and ass; although, in fairness, their eyes do focus more on your faces when your clothes are on. So there you have it. Face, tits and ass. Once more: face, tits and ass. All else is an afterthought. All those hours spent accessorizing are wasted on guys. You’ve bought new pumps. Who cares? You’re sporting a Gucci handbag. So what. New earrings. Do you really think guys look at your ears? The only accessories guys care about are your milk pendants. Fuck diamonds. Milk pendants are a man’s best friend. Similarly, guys don’t give a damn about women’s clothing. They don’t give a damn about your designer dresses, your cashmeres and your scotch grained leathers, your winter darks and summer whites. They only care about women’s clothing if it enhances or shows off your tits and ass. They only care about women’s clothing if it makes your coochies more accessible. Fortunately for guys, there is some women’s clothing that does just that. Yes, there is some women’s clothing that guys actually keep an eye out for. Drum roll please…

You won’t hear guys complain much about dresses and skirts. Guys like dresses and skirts. They’re big fans. The reason is simple: Guys like girls to wear dresses and skirts because they allow easy access. Dresses and skirts do little to guard the coochie. Mini-skirts are the kings of easy access. They practically insist on being invaded. When a girl wears a skirt on a date, every guy knows that a mere stroll on the beach can easily turn into a seaside banging. Guys know that the backseats of their cars are more apt to host love fests when dresses and skirts are involved. Whether you’re on a first date, or a fifth-year anniversary night out, if you wear a skirt or dress, if you provide that easy access, you present your guy with a wonderful gift: hope.

Guys have mixed feelings about tight jeans. Guys do like tight jeans on girls because they showcase a lady’s thighs and hips. Guys like tight jeans because they showcase a girl’s ass. And guys like tight jeans on girls because they make it easier to weed out the fatties. But they can’t fully embrace them because tight jeans do exactly what skirts and dresses don’t do. They guard the coochie. Tight jeans are a bitch to take off. Whenever a guy sees his date exit her house wearing tight jeans, he knows that his chances of scoring a backseat lay have tanked. He knows that a stroll on the beach will likely remain just that…a stroll. Don’t feel bad for your guy though. Tight jeans or not, he still holds high hopes of a goodnight BJ.

Not exactly a revelation, huh? Do the right thing, Ladies, and wear more low-cut blouses. You’ll make the world a better place. How can guys not love low-cut blouses? Low-cut blouses means cleavage. And cleavage is a good thing. Low-cut blouses means the possibility of a nipple sighting. And nipple sightings are a very good thing. Every guy knows that loose, low-cut blouses plus a bend over is the formula for seeing nipple.

Some types of sweatpants have a knack for accomplishing a feat that even the tightest, sexiest jeans can’t accomplish. They go up a girl’s ass. Yep, a portion of the sweatpants fabric goes up a girl’s ass, and in the process, gives guys a respectable blueprint of how her ass looks when nude. Guys aren’t oblivious to this treat. Gym rats and track hounds alike know the benefits of sweatpants combined with ass.